Site Attractions
Last Updated: October 25, 2007
The Watering Hole
Right in the middle of Hatchet Landings is a clean, cozy swimming hole for all your heat-beatin, belly-floppin needs! The water is treated to be safe. We can’t say the same for your fellow Juggalos. A lifeguard will be on duty during all swimming hours, so bring a bathing suit!
Rides
Nothing feel more like a carnival than some carnival rides. These rides are a chance to flip your wig up, down, sideways, or round and round. They’re fast, fun, and free, and they’re located in several areas throughout the Gathering. Lose yourself on a ride, then come back to earth and lose your mind!
Helicopter Rides
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s a helicopter filled with Juggalos! You’re not seeing spacecrafts or the Feds, those are REAL helicopters floatin around Hatchet Landings. Helicopter rides flip wigs from 10:00 a.m. through 6:00 p.m. Thursday through Sunday. Get a Helicopter ride and get one step closer to the skies of Shangri-La.
Love Train
Don’t you just feel sorry for those ninjas still walkin, when you’re ridin high on the Love Train? It’s a chance to get off your feet, get around, or just get down with the sights and sounds all around as you roll through Hachet Landings. Pickup stations are marked on the map. Do not attempt to get on or off the Love Train while it is moving. Do not get in front of the Love Train, or you might get flat.
Spazmatic Hang-Out
The Spazmatic Hangout is your party-within-a party! During the day, it’s like a beverage bar, with Faygo, Spazmatic, and slushies, plus certain special swag to pump your party! (no alcoholic beverages served, but you can bring your own). At Midnight, Thurs-Sat, we heat up the dancefloor with live mixes from DJ Fillin! This is Crunk Central, ninjas, come see what’s up!
Merch
The only thing more legendary than a Psychopathic show is Psychopathic swag! What can we say, we know we got the best shit. The merch looks better than ever, and the Merch Tent has the best hours ever. Your head will spin when you take it all in. They’ll take cash or credit this year, so pimp yourself out with some top-of-the-line threads or some killer collectibles.
Food Court
Be sure that growl you hear deep in the woods isn’t your stomach! After a long day exploring the mad amounts of flavor the Gathering has in store, every Juggalo’s gonna need to stop and get their snack on. The concession area is the place to go for a meal, for the munchies, or just for a Faygo. We promise a plethora of dining sensations, the finest food a carnival has to offer! You won’t even have to hunt chickens... unless you want to (no harming the wildlife, for real). All the classic concessions are in effect, including: hotdogs, hamburgers, pizza, salad, nachos, fries, and elephant ears imported directly from the elephant exhibit at the Detroit Zoo! You can eat your food in the shade at a picnic table in the dining area, or carry it with you to the next event!
Convenience Store
Out in the middle of Hatchet Landings, with no K-Mart or 7-11 in sight, you’re gonna need someplace to buy stuff. The Convenience Store will have everything a growing Juggalo could need, short of love slaves or bondage gear. Who knows, with Psychopathic ninjas in the house, you might even be able to score some of that on the down-low! We really need to keep Juggalos from leaving the park unnecessarily, so we do our best to stock anything you could need right here. The store will have disposable cameras, batteries, cold beverages, snacks, Faygo, flashlights, hygenie items, and even clown make-up. If we don’t got it, you don’t need it!
ATMs
We strongly recommend that Juggalos bring enough money to suit their needs, and keep it on hand, in a safe place. However, we will be providing ATM machines for your convenience. They can be found in the main areas of the Gathering, for directions hit up the Info Tent. Users are responsible for all transactions at the ATMs. No refunds will be offered.
Showers
It’s not quite a Tempestual downpour, but the showers are a comfortable, sanitary way to wash that sticky Faygo out of your hair, or the dirt out of your crevices. Seperate male and female hot showers will be available 16 hours per day. There’s room for dressing, but there will be a five minute maximum shower per person to ensure that lines flow quickly. You should also bring all your own toiletries, including towels, as none will be provided.
Cool-Down Stations
In case you're lookin at the sun, and wondering about keeping cool at the Gathering, there's nothing to fear! (unless you forgot sun-block). There are multiple Cool-Down Stations at several locations throughout the campground, marked on the map. These are no measly mist-tents, these are permanent structures of full on water-spraying flavor, complete with a bank of sprayers, faucets, and their own plumbing. This means more free water and more wet Juggalettes for all of us!
EMT / Ambulance
To ensure the health and safety of every Juggalo, we have provided an EMT tent complete with paramedics and a 24-hour on-site ambulance. The EMT tent can be found on the map. They are available for any serious injuries or medical emergencies that may occur, and we ask that Juggalos only go to them with serious problems. However, don’t be afraid to get checked out if you’re not feeling right, cause sunstroke and allergic reactions can be a bitch!
In addition to the flavor we bring with us, Hatchet Landings is one of the freshest locations we've ever seen a Gathering at! In addition to sprawling, scenic wilderness, Cave-In-Rock has a history of violence as long as your tattooed arm! This area has been home to River Pirates, Smugglers, Counterfeiters, Ghosts, and some of the nation's first Serial Killers! Peep that freshness here.