IT’S THE DUKE WITH THE SCOOP…MY NUTS IN YOUR SOUP…4 NEW NAMES ARE HEADED TO THE 2017 GATHERING IN DOPELAHOMA!!!

 Juggalos it’s getting hot out here! MAD HOT! You know there has been a rumor since way, way before I was ever born, I’m talkin’ way back in the 80s, that says our government has nuclear missiles hidden underground in spots all over the country ready to be launched with the push of a red button. I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is, my personal guess is that Lost Lakes Entertainment Complex in Oklahoma City just might be one of those places. It also happens to be the epic location for this year’s gleamin’ and beamin’ in 17in’s Gathering of the Juggalos!

 I’m guessing there might be some missiles under the surface of Lost Lakes, because there seems to be some type of nuclear fusion going on there as of late—some sort of toxic radiation reaction causing all sorts of strange occurrences around that bitch. Some truly almost unexplainable shit is jumpin’ off as we speak!

 Ever since we announced that this year’s Gathering will be the first place and time ever that ICP actually perform the mighty 6th Joker’s Card, The Wraith Shangri-La album, in its entirety, I really don’t know what the fuck is going on, but craziness is popping off at random. Mass craziness!

 For example, the grass there has started glowing a hue of neon blue, which at night makes standing there lookin out at an open field look almost like an electric ocean. Even weirder than that is the many trees on the grounds…They are, how can I explain it—I guess you could say they are flashing. Blinking with light! It’s almost like they are being shocked and energized by something high voltage from deep underground, causing each separate tree to randomly light up! Only for maybe a quarter of a second! Kind of in a strobe light fashion. Then there’s the lakes. They are glowing like some kind of toxic waste, but they smell like a hottie’s perfume and taste like Kool-Aid! One pink, one green, one yellow! They look almost like they’re filled with the shit you find inside of a glow stick!

 The entire park right now resembles something containing immense, atomic energy or—I don’t know—an apocalyptic power, I guess.

 I do have some idea as of why this all could be, though. I mean there’s gotta really only be one real explanation that possibly makes any sense: I’d say it’s the EPIC KARMA felt by the nature of the place.

 I think the grounds themselves are swelling with the supernatural levels of karma from knowing that it is hosting the two thousand fuckin’ seventeen Gathering of the Juggalos. What the fuck else could it be?

 Just think about it, bitch boy! How can you or the living nature of Lost Lakes fathom this level of excitement? I don’t think fathoming it all is even really possible. Because if you could, you’d be reading this from within a padded room similar to the one I’m writing this from right now inside the Williamsburg Psych Ward. Because this level of excitement is 10 times the level that would cause your brain to melt like an ice cream cone in hell, and drip itself right outta your ear and nose holes, as well as your own mouth—and leave you totally brainless, just like me. And I don’t want a brain. I don’t want to even make sense. I don’t want to be responsible and do the right thing. I wanna do what society deems as the wrong thing and I wanna go to the motherfuckin’ 2017 Gathering of the Juggalos!

 So, with that said…

 Right now, being announced for the first time ever, is this name, a name you know and fuckin’ love…the one and only JELLY ROLL!!! This man is blowing up so hard he walks around with an enormous mushroom cloud above him! People become obsessed with his talents, and download his entire catalog, but then the bass in his incredibly hard southern rap beats knocks their heads so hard they all get amnesia and forget they ever heard of him completely. Of course, they soon hear about him again because he’s a constant hot topic all over the streets everywhere, and they soon become huge fans again but BOOM! Then their brains get wiped out again. Jelly Roll is a straight up Juggalo hero and Southern Rap phenom. Catch JELLY ROLL at 2017 Juggalo Gathering, and get your brains blown empty!

 Another exciting name playing the Gathering this year in SMOKLAHOMA for the very first time is a new name…soon to be an icon…get used to this word: FROGGY FRESH!!!! This ninja is ascending straight up and out into the stratosphere with lightning speed! He’s dead seriously well on his way straight to the tippety top! If you have never heard of Froggy Fresh before, just always remember where you first saw or heard the name because he’s got hellafied, ridiculous, never seen before talents! Even without rapping, he is fuckin’ beyond hilarious! Oh you think I’m exaggerating? OK slim, just peep his incredible humor and all original style by searching for “Secrets to Be Almost Like Bruce Lee” on YouTube. I’ll wait…You see that shit? What did I tell you! He used to go by the name Krispy Kreme, but then he started getting sued because he was blown up so fuckin’ hard, so now he goes by his birth-given name, Froggy Fresh. Just check out how undeniable his rapping skills are with this YouTube video called “DUNKED ON.” Oh you want more? Of course you do, because you’re now a fan just like me. Peep the video “CHRISTMAS.” I seriously hope to someday tour with this ninja because he’s super dope and he raises my karma incredibly high! We’re very proud to have him playing the Gathering in the year of shingin’ shingin’ and wicked shit singin’, 2017!

 And hey ninjas—You like to rock the fuck out? Yes you do, of course you do! What better place to spark up a biggity blunt and get geggidy crunk! What better place to get rocked and maybe even socked and dropped? What better place to show no refrain, and get insane, deranged, and inhuman? What better place to get lit, throw a fit, get your wig split up in the mosh pit? I ain’t joking though, bruh! Come to Tokelahoma for the 2017 Gathering! Because we are proud to announce a band that will rock your block, entertain your brain, and surprise your eyes—see, hear, and experience the freshness of PSYCHOSTICK!! Thats right—all the insane members in maximum force! Witness these boys in their full prime as they twerk your spine. Get a fat kick out of PSYCHOSTICK, homie! This band is the SHIT!

 And last but sure as fuck not least—one last very special artist! OHHHH shit I remember a few years back at the Gathering when he hopped right into the fuckin’ pit in the middle of his set and started splittin’ wigs! How many rappers you know jump right into the pit, with no fear, and fuckin’ school it? There can only be one: I’m talking about WAKA FLOCKA FLAME! This ninja was born to own the stage, and that’s exactly what he does, and after straight up murdering the stage at the Gathering 2016, he showed up at last year’s Hallowicked to obliterate the entire sold out crowd with utter freshness. He’s since became a pure Juggalo favorite. And that love is a two-way street, because he loves rocking with the Juggalos and has said to me multiple times that the freedom of a Juggalo stage allows him to truly be himself without restrictions or judgment! And that’s exactly what he does and why we love him. So I’m proud to say that we just confirmed WAKA FLOCKA FLAME!!! So fuckin’ dope! He’s simply known for having one of the hypest and greatest live shows in the rap game—simple and blunt, with WAKA FLOCKA FLAME on the bill, it is surefire to be pure fire!

 AWWWW HEELLLL YEAH!!! Its gonna BE DOPE! Seriously Dope and yo…WE’RE JUST GETTIN’ STARTED! Stay tuned to JuggaloGathering.com for more announcements, and don’t Miss the Juggalo Gathering 2017! This…is…our…year!